My Journey to Becoming Rooted & Wild
A few years ago, I realized that my life was deeply out of alignment with my heart. I have always been an overachiever and a busy person. From straight A’s to Teach for America to directing a youth development program, I wore exhaustion and busyness as a badge of honor, thinking that it proved how worthy, smart, and successful I was. At the same time, I felt an emptiness that I constantly filled with activity and work. When I finally slowed down, through accidentally signing up for a silent meditation retreat, I was forced to sit with myself and get to know the stranger that I had been trying to entertain and outrun and hide from all those years. I found out that I wasn’t so bad, that I could enjoy my own company, that I was a badass even when I wasn’t busy. I saw that I was funny and I was beautiful and my body was strong and my spirit was wild and worthy of listening to. That spirit told me to listen to others and honor their experiences, to slow down and notice, to mark and honor the transitions both joyous and difficult in my life and in other's lives, to bring people together for meaningful moments, to strive for collaboration instead of competition in all of my actions. Becoming a celebrant and launching Rooted & Wild is the next step in my journey. This is my soul's work.
I am not the same person that I was 3 years ago. I have more gray hair, I give less fucks, I can cry in front of people sometimes and on good days I like spending time by myself. I can even be quiet for a few days at a time. My internal voice has become much more compassionate, more inviting of my dark side, my shadows. It listens to the fear of failure and the voice of “not good enough/never good enough” and it says “Come in. Sit down. I hear you and I see the fear but I won’t let you make decisions for me anymore”. I am learning to let it all sit at the table with me and just let it be. It’s hard and sometimes painful, but it’s also incredibly freeing and I have so much more capacity to love myself and others through the process. I am not “done”, nor will I ever be, and that’s ok because I’m a human being, faults and grace and all.
Be brave, sweet ones.